welcome to Alcatraz

It finally happened.

She's walking! She started right before her birthday and has gotten better and better every day since! This video was her first real attempt at taking several steps.

Now that she's walking it was imperative to keep her off the stairs, which are like a magnet to her. So the baby gates have finally been installed. Our household now resembles a carefully crafted baby prison and I can't say I'm too crazy about it. The logistical complications still present a challenge: how do you simultaneously carry a baby and a basket of laundry while trying to maneuver opening the gate? How do you keep her confined, but still allow Winnie the freedom to roam? HOW DO YOU OPEN THESE DANG GATES WITH ONE HAND??

So far we've managed to implement a few ghetto creative measures to keep life a little easier. Exhibit A: 

Not pretty but it works. I wish actually opening the gates were as simple...unfortunately they have proven to be adult-proof as well as baby proof. I can't count the number of times I've grumbled and struggled to get them open.

Petunia, on the other hand, finds them to be a delightful new addition. She first of course had to check them out thoroughly in the manner which she inspects everything these days....with her mouth.

mmmm...aluminum

The bars are great for standing and walking so she has enjoyed them thoroughly. I however am counting down the days until she's skilled enough to maneuver both up and down the stairs without threats of serious bodily harm. We've also put up outlet protectors on every single electrical outlet in the house, which thankfully she has not managed to remove. Next up will be another mildly-irritating-but-completely-necessary babyproofing measure: drawer and cabinet locks. 

In other  news, she is doing fantastic on her new medicine and we've made tremendous progress with solid foods. A little background: when her new GI doctor in Baton Rouge saw us in December and performed the endoscopy, he was checking for evidence of 2 possible conditions that he suspected might be causing her problems. Her did a biopsy to check for eosophillic esophagitis, but the biopsy came back normal. He next wanted to do a medicine trial for another condition he suspected: gastritis, or delayed gastric emptying. He said the medicine should work pretty quickly, and if it helped her, it was likely that gastritis was the culprit.

We started the new medicine in the beginning of January and she has done fantastic!! No more constipation, no more refusing food or bottles, no more night wakings/fussing from pain, no more vomiting, nothing!! She has just happily eaten her food and bottles like a normal baby! It's been amazing, and I am so incredibly grateful to Dr. Alberty for actually listening to me and taking her ailments seriously and being willing to aggressively search for a solution. None of the other doctors we saw from August through December were willing to do that. Thanks to my persistence and Dr. Alberty's treatment, we finally finally finally have Caroline in a good place. When we visited him for a checkup last week we found that she had gained 2 pounds in the last 6 weeks!!! (Previously she had only gained 2 pounds in the entire 4 months from August through December.)

blueberries were well-received

So yes, she is currently taking 3 different medications which doesn't thrill me, but at least she is feeling better and eating well and gaining weight well. Our next challenge is to establish good solid food eating skills and hopefully get off the expensive formula by late spring or early summer. After that we will start to work on slowly weaning off the medicines one at a time. Hopefully by next fall we will have a 100% formula-free, medicine-free baby!! It will be like getting a raise for our budget! 

peaches: not so much

I tell you what though, "cleaning up after dinner" has taken on a whole new meaning. It used to mean rinsing off 2 plates and scrubbing a pot or 2. 10 minutes and you're done. Now it means digging out scraps of food from every crack and crevice within a 10' radius of her high chair. Somehow I had always envisioned a laborious cleaning process when dealing with messy foods, like spagetti and meatsauce. But to her, anything and everything can be a food missile. (And somehow I ended up with the only dog in America who has no interest in eating fallen food off the floor.) So far she absolutely LOVES chicken, will tolerate some vegetables, and doesn't like fruit. Go figure. Ah but as long as she's eating and happy I'm totally content.

All of this means we have reached another significant milestone: I am NO LONGER keeping track all of her input and output! (number of diapers and amount of formula and food consumed.) Every single day for the past year I had carefully logged her number of wet and dirty diapers and amount of food eaten/not eaten/vomited into an app on my phone. It was the only way to keep track of her health and notice when things were going well or not well. It was my lifeline to her...without that information I had no cold hard facts/evidence to present to the doctors. But now she's doing fine. Absolutely fine. As long as she's happy and growing, there's no need to track anything anymore. I feel so liberated!! So while our little rugrat may be adjusting to the new confines of her baby prison, I on the other hand am enjoying a whole new sense of freedom! Now If I could only get the baby gates to open....

she's eating! happily! and not having any
gastrointestinal discomforts! whohoo!!

first birthday party

Well the first birthday has come and gone and I think it was a big success! We had a small party at our house with family and a few friends and Caroline had a great time. The decorations (all made by yours truly) turned out so cute, the food (also made by yours truly) was delicious, and the company was great. Lots of fantastic first birthday memories. So here's a little tour of Caroline's first birthday party.

The Decorations

I admit I had waaaay too much fun planning her party. I started pinning ideas on Pinterest months ago, so when it was time to put it all together I was well prepared. I started by making her invitations....I wanted something cute and personalized with her photos. Couldn't find anything to my liking on the invitation websites, so I figured it would be more fun to make them myself!

The invitations set the flower theme for the party and from there I had a great time with light pink, hot pink, and green decorations. Bill kept hyperventilating that I was going overboard and hemoragging money on the party, but I was actually very resourceful and thrifty with the party planning. We had most of the necessary items, and what we lacked I got from the dollar store or Michael's. So I actually spent very little money; it was just a matter of hand-making a few items and then putting it all together creatively!

One of the most important things for me was adding lots of personalized touches. I loved putting together the month-by-month photo garland. At one glance you could see how quickly Caroline changed every month this past year.

                                      

I also loved the photo canvases I made a few months ago, which have been sitting in the closet until I make the rest of them and put them on her wall. They looked cute up on the mantel.

                                      

Also on display were a cute family photo book I made for her at Christmas, and an ABC book with all her photos from the past year for her birthday. 

                                      

I also made her a time capsule/photo box, to be opened on her 18th birthday. We made one for my brother Grant when he was a baby and I remember how much fun I had assembling it on his first birthday, and then opening it this past fall. So I definitely wanted to do that for Caroline too! Inside it I put pictures from this past year, her letter to Santa and photo with him, cards she received from the various holidays, artwork from school, and a letter from her Dad and I. What a fun trip down memory lane one day!

My other favorite item was the Birthday Box I made for her. I assigned each party guest one of her future birthdays and printed a fill-in-the-blank questionnaire with fun questions about her infancy. All the completed letters will be stored in the box and starting at age 7 she will have a letter to open on her birthday. I hope she will enjoy reading what all her friends and family thought about her birth and her infant days!

The Party

The party was only 2 hours long, which is about as much fun as she could handle before she was ready for a nap. We had a great crowd of adults and kids, and I know she enjoyed playing with the other kids the best. She's such a social butterfly!

The Gifts

I really didn't buy much for her birthday since we just had Christmas not too long ago. A few books, a new high chair toy, and a puzzle were all that she received from mom and dad. My plan is to do a 'half birthday' toy-buying spree in August when she's a bit older and developmentally ready for some more challenging toys. But in the meantime the partygoers gave lots of fun new toys that we will dole out occasionally now through the summer. She loves music so she received lots of interactive toys that play tunes.

She also of course loves books so we were happy to receive some fresh new ones for her library!

Aunty Em gave her a 3-in-1 tricycle which she also loved! And it only took Nana and I an hour and a half (and a lot of debating screw sizes) to put it together!

The hit of the party though was a sensory board that Nana made. It has all the typical hardware that one-year-olds are obsessed with...chains, latches, knobs, etc. Every single kid at the party played with it!! Who can resist all those temptations??

The Cake

Since we have juuuust started Caroline back on solid foods, we haven't made our way through all of the stage one foods and identified any other possible food allergies. I knew there was definitely the milk allergy, and she'd had a negative reaction to corn puffs, so I was not about to give her a cake full of wheat flour when wheat is one of the known major food allergens. I found a bakery that could make her a special gluten-free, dairy-free cake just for her smash cake. When the big moment arrived and we placed the cake in front of her, she wasn't sure what to do. It was her first time ever having anything with sugar! With my encouragement she gingerly poked and swiped at the frosting but she never showed any interest in tearing into the cake. I tasted the cake later and couldn't blame her...not nearly as good as 'real' cake. Oh well, maybe next year!

After the party she collapsed in her crib and slept for 2 hours. Partied out! I know she enjoyed it, and I loved every minute of planning it for her. Thanks to everyone who made the trip all the way from Louisiana to participate! It would not have been a party without yall! 

hopes and dreams

Dear Caroline,
I just put you to bed and you're rolling around in your crib, talking and playing with your feet, the bumper pads, your pillow. Some nights you fall asleep quickly, but some nights you entertain yourself for a while before finally drifting off to sleep. Never crying though- bedtime is always a pleasant drift off to dreamland. I can't help but wonder what you dream about. Toys? Walks in the stroller? Winnie? Me? I'm sure they must be happy voyages into baby wonderland though, because you're so delightfully happy when you wake up each morning. My absolute favorite memory of your infancy this past year will always be walking in to your room first thing in the morning, seeing you grinning in your crib. From the very first days of your life, you have always been a happy smiley little ball of joy (and I have the pictures and videos to prove it!) Even though we faced a myriad of health challenges and physical discomforts this past year you sailed through them all with an infectious smile on your face. I will be forever eternally grateful for that sweet little smile that greeted me every morning, despite whatever obstacles lay ahead or behind us. 

I know this past year has been a good example of what lies ahead for us in your life- unknown challenges, unimaginable joy. I've learned that whatever comes our way, we will be able to handle it with the help of your cheerful personality and my persistent love. I have so many hopes and dreams for your life, but it's my job to merely guide you on your path of self-discovery and independence. At each step of our journey I promise to let you take the lead when you show me you're ready. I promise to step back, let go, and watch you flourish with self-confidence....no matter how much I want to hold on to my little baby. (We've been practicing this delicate dance a lot in the last few days, with you insisting on climbing the stairs every time we go up or down. I catch my breath every time you teeter, but then you look back and grin at me and I know the risk is worth the reward, as long as I'm there to catch your fall.)

I can't help but dream of the days that are to come and wonder with great anticipation what lies in store for you. I have such high hopes for my chubby-cheeked baby. Here are just a few.

I hope we survive your childhood without any serious injuries/lacerations/broken bones/ etc that require urgent medical attention. Somehow by the grace of God I survived my own childhood without any serious injuries and I definitely want the same for you! We've already made 2 trips to the ER for your vomiting/dehydration scare this past year, and if we never return to Texas Children's Hospital I will be absolutely delighted. (So will my aching checkbook.)

I hope you excel at something. Anything. Whatever it is you're most passionate about, I want that passion to create unbridled joy and enthusiasm. If it's gymnastics one year and kickboxing the next, or an entire childhood of ballet lessons, I'm 100% on board as long as you're happy and thrilled to be doing it. I promise to be in the audience or in the bleachers every time. (Don't hold it against me if I pull out the smartphone for a little distraction every now and then....)

I hope you always have, now and forever, an unbreakable bond with your daddy. He loves you more than anything on this earth, and nothing brings him more joy than feeling your sweet little hug on his shoulder. Hold on to him always. There's nothing else in the world like being daddy's girl. I missed out on this when I was younger and I always vowed that it would be different for my daughter. I want you to always know and remember how much he loves you (even when he's making you absolutely crazy with his over-protectiveness. I have the feeling he will have an even harder time 'letting go' than I will. So when you're 10 years old and he still wants you sitting in a carseat, just roll your eyes and remember that he just wants to protect you from every single possible harm that could ever come your way. If you're lucky I will be able to talk some sense into him...)

I hope you smile often and laugh loudly. So far in your short little life this has been your greatest attribute and I hope it stays with you for the rest of your life. I'm sure there will be periods of teenage angst and moodiness and I know I'll be clinging to these memories of my sweet smiley baby to get me through those times. On the days when you want nothing to do with me, I'll remember you reaching up for me from your crib. On the days when you're slamming doors and shutting me out of your life, I'll remember you crawling towards me as fast as your little legs could carry you. On the days when you accuse me of ruining your life (oh teenage drama!) I'll remember you calling out 'mama.' I can't promise that those days will be easy for you or for me, but we both will need to remember to smile and laugh anyway. It's the only way through it.

I hope you fall in love, fall out of love, have a lot of crushes, serve up a bit of heartache to the boys, and get dizzy on the merry-go-round that is love. It's exhilarating, terrifying, painfully debilitating, and deliriously intoxicating....and it makes life worth living. There's a line in an old song, 'in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.' You only get what you give. And the only way to get the unparalleled joy that love brings is by giving your heart away. It comes with a great deal of risk but the reward is 1000 times worth it. I know this is true from the love that I've given to you and your dad....it's safe to say my heart now lies outside of my body. It resides within you two. 

I hope you remember every single day how much you are loved by me. Yes, even when I'm punishing you for not cleaning up your room or putting you in timeout for flushing copious amounts of fruit down the toilet and thus rendering the commode inoperable (....oh wait, maybe that was only an Aunt Emily phenomenon.) I hope you remember that everything I have said/done/will do/will say is because I love you to the moon and back. Remember this always. Always always always. Carry it around in a note in your backpack. Put it on a poster in your room. Tatoo it to yourself in a visible-only-to-yourself location. (And quickly discard any boyfriend who makes fun of you for having a 'mom loves you!' tatoo.) Never forget that I am your number one fan, your biggest supporter, your most-obnoxiously-enthusiastic cheering squad. I am here for you no matter what life throws at us.

Well you finally fell asleep in your crib, with your blankie (one of my tshirts) half draped across your face and one foot propped up on the bumper between 2 crib slats. Looks mighty comfy. I'm sure you're having a wonderful time frolicking in la-la land, judging by the peaceful expression on your face. And when you wake in the morning you'll be all grins and cheerful chatter, detailing the places you visited and adventures you embarked upon. But for now, sweet dreams my baby. The world has big plans for you.

Happy first birthday sweet Caroline.

Love,
Mama